It's Not You: How to Identify and Heal from NARCISSISTIC People (Vermilion) Paperback – 22 Feb. 2024

I’ve been super keen to receive Dr. Ramani’s book. I’ve been watching her videos for years. I had a breakdown and confided in my doctor who told me I was married to a covert narcissist. Her channel was recommended to me and I was astounded at how knowledgeable she is, describing the tactics and behaviour that narcissists use to manipulate, isolate and abuse their victims. I felt I was losing my mind but she taught me why narcissists behave the way they do and how to manage my reactions.Many people are unable to leave their relationship with the narcissist and she acknowledges that. Her wealth of knowledge as well as her compassion helps millions world wide. Advice is provided on how grey rocking works and the importance of not engaging. For those who can leave, she outlines what to expect when divorcing or leaving a relationship, the smear campaigns, hoovering tactics, flying monkeys and a whole lot more.She’s a very special lady, full of kindness and empathy. Her book and videos are valuable sources for anyone interested in learning about narcissism or how to help someone in a toxic, antagonistic relationship . She delivers her lectures with humour and sensitivity.I’m immensely grateful to have this amazing book that’s dedicated to helping us finding ourselves, coming out of the darkness and begin the journey towards healing and peace.Her expertise is beyond excellent, I can’t imagine what would have become of me had I not discovered her videos. Her book offers a wealth of insight, she is truly the best psychologist out there who really understands narcissism.

Read the book by dr ramani it's not you. Loved it, will keep re-reading and working on my own story. It encourages you to view yourself as a hero that has despite the difficult people holding you back and putting you down.Fear has dominated my life, fear of violence, abandonment, put downs, ridiculous scenarios that make me feel less than a person.I still have after more than a decade the old partner stalking and finding ways that are ludicrous to get my attention, in a negative fearful way.Even a sister I have not seen for 20yrs, (after telling her the intimidation of ex). She says "hey maybe he just wants an amicable relationship" then I call her out says " oh I guess I just didn't understand"He has persuaded all around me that they need to urge me to make contact with him.This drama ripples out in all aspects of my life, where I live, family and old friends all cheerlead as flying monkeys for him.I am now so strong that I fully expect to be gaslighted, coercive control, anger, threat and more. It has become my life to live with the insecure petty spite on a daily basis.Dr Ramani fully explains what, how, and that you can survive and thrive with without and through, the games of fear from a narcissists control.The unpredictability is in itself predictable.And I was sold the fairy tale future faking from him for yrs. It took more yrs to get out than get into the nightmare. However much I want out, he seems to never let it be. Why? Or what he gains from me is the satisfaction of instilling fear in me. Why? Because there is something about me that makes him feel insecure. So he then wants me to feel insecure to borrow my emotions because feeling insecure himself is way to much work to process. Of course he is entitled to feel superior, by making me feel inferior.Dr ramani has made me realise what these relationships do to a person, and really how very resilient and resourceful I am.It's a bit like trying to cope with a child having tantrums. But all the time.With help from this book, I now begin to give all the drama, much less focus. Refuse to be caught up in mind games. With the book and therapy realise my life is in my control and not his. It helps me bring the focus to my little triumphs not great big fairy tale dreams but appreciating life it's glorious without grandiose extravagant ridiculous over the top drama.If you have a partner that creates a big dramatic argument, when you ask can you do the washing up tonight......ask yourself do you want to engage in 3hours of mud slinging or do you just want a tidy kitchen, and no fuss.Stop getting drawn into dramaIt's pointless, time consuming and it feeds these monsters egos....that are extremely fragile.Thank you Dr ramani.......yes I am good enough!

Very interesting read a must have for all sufferers, of narcissistic abuse.

The author explains how a narcissists behaviour shall never change. Allow this to be all of the closure that you’re inevitably searching for. If someone has emotionally abused you and has treated you like garbage, -to the point where you feel constant apathy and have lost faith in humanity and lost all hope in interpersonal relationships… please revert back to the notion that Narcissistic folk shall never change their soul-destroying behaviour. So take your empathy and realise how it’s probably wasted on them. We all come from different scenarios, environments and we all have experienced trauma… but if a narcissist has destroyed the way you sit within this world and has broken your spirit… remind yourself of that premise and take the compassion that is seemingly a theme of this author and psychologist… If a narcissist has ruined you internally and you now know that their behaviour shall never change… then you also know, …It’s Not You.

I wish this book had been available 40 years ago, scrap that 30 years ago, scrap that this book should be in every library at school, college and uni. The photo I have submitted was yet another 'penny drop moment for me' a trigger, that had me in floods of tears, for now and for all the past years. It is a book full of understanding from the 'victims' point of view. It's about healing, not feeling like you're the mad one, realising that my 'abuse' and conditioned acceptance of the manipulation and gaslighting started as a child. Will this book eventually help me get over my 49 year relationship with my husband probably not it's too late for me, but if you read this book and can relate to any part of it, start thinking about you, believe in you, trust your gut, find the strength and if it's right for you leave. Either way read this book..